Thursday, July 24, 2014

Things celibate pedophiles do

Watch Hollywood movies with young characters in them.

Listen to people say how all pedophiles ought to be shot and decide how to react just right so as not to draw attention to themselves. Cry later at the unfairness of it.

Hate themselves, even though they know they'll never act with a child.

Think their attraction is a horrible thing and it makes them evil.

Want to get drugs to reduce their sex drive, but don't dare ask a doctor because of mandatory reporting.

Meet a child somewhere and really hit it off and then realize they're in love with her. Get really sad that they can never do anything about it -- and they never do. She moves away and they think about her for years after.

Get really depressed for reasons having nothing to do with pedophilia, but not dare see a psychotherapist because how much trust can there be if they have to keep this big part of them hidden?

Hit it off with a child but decide to stop going where they are because it hurts too much.

Work with kids because they're good with kids and it's rewarding, and their attractions are safely put on hold and not part of their motivation.

Avoid being around children because they don't want to be reminded of what they can't have, like a diabetic who decides not to work in the candy shop.

Monitor every action with a child and think whether someone who's not a pedophile would act that way. Is a hand on the shoulder supportive or suspicious?

Try desperately not to masturbate, but eventually do and feel terrible.

Masturbate happily and regularly while looking at pictures of kids in bathing suits.

Sit near the cute kids in the movie theater because it's fun to steal glances at them.

Sit as far away from the cute kids in the theater as possible.

Sit near the cute kids because, darn it, forget the kids, it's the best seat available for watching the movie.

Try to find a way to keep a favorite niece from snuggling on their lap without seeming like a big meanie.

Realize they'll never know love, never have sex, and never be able to tell their best friends about any of it.

Get stoned and drunk to make the pain and loneliness easier to bear.

See a therapist. At the 10th session, confess they've got feelings for kids but they'd never do anything. Watch the therapist turn steely, then call them before the next session and say they can't meet any more.

Wish fervently there was a pill that would just take away their sex drive completely.

Find a way to get out of babysitting for their nephews, even though they're their favorite ever, because it's getting too difficult. Risk their sister thinking they're a selfish bastard.

Prefer having fun with kids to trying to get them to follow rules.

Be a child's favorite grown-up for years, always kind of sad that it can be never more. The child remembers them fondly.

Try to stop thinking the attraction is their fault, but never succeeding.

Be really good at their job, found a successful company, be a great doctor, win a Nobel Prize.

Become a father and find they're never attracted to their kids.

Try to kill themselves. Recover and keep stumbling on.

Try just a little, anonymously, online, to show pedophiles can be celibate and decent people.

Get creeped out by other celibate pedophiles because of their mushy attitude towards children.

Feel guilty because their attraction is just sexual and the other pedophiles talk about loving them.

Realize that they're really angry at gays and lesbians out of envy.

Move on with life and have their secret attraction only be a part of them.



9 comments:

  1. Sweet. A couple of mine were added to the end. Good post Ethan

    - Kimura-sensei

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  2. Get creeped out by other celibate pedophiles because of their mushy attitude towards children.

    Made me laugh!

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  3. This was very touching. Keep up the good work!

    Not Humbert, a Dutch celibate pedophile

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  4. Fall in love. Lose contact, abruptly and arbitrarily. Have no reasonable way of staying in touch. Struggle alone with secret grief.

    Discover child pornography and find it compelling. Struggle with shame and self loathing. Gaze longingly at children on the street. Attempt suicide. See a therapist and reveal paedophilic feelings for the first time ever. To anyone.

    Be listened to. Without judgment.

    Make a choice to focus on real friendship with children. Live a life worthy of the privilege. Backslide. Struggle. Fall short. Make sacrifices. Make mistakes. Trust the wrong people. Trust the right people. Fall in love. Be heartbroken. Study Buddhism. Live in the present. Learn to let go.

    Find a joy in kids that goes way, way beyond sexual attraction.

    Be compassionate. Be happy. Start here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did I post this and forget about it? Ha. Almost identical to what I've been through over the last 20 years. I still miss her sometimes. Think of her often.

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  5. Writing world literature for their beloved child Alice.

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  6. This clearly indicates that the plight of celibate pedophiles is hardly bearable. It's tear-jerking but unfortunately true. We long for kids and experience great anguish because we're never going to be fulfilled. There's no hope. Only death can save us but we can't make it come too early because it's our duty to live for our families and contribute to the society. But that day will finally arrive. And it'll release us.
    Paweł C, celibate pedophile from Poland

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    Replies
    1. I just happened to be looking at this again yesterday, and it surprised me a little to get very much the same gloomy impression. That's unfortunate in a way. There are ones in there about happily masturbating, having happy relationships with children, and being successful in a career, but it does paint a gloomy picture. I could have added a lot more about exercising, watching TV, enjoying sunsets, reading good books, hanging out with friends... but they would be virtually identical to the activities in any bachelor's life. So in an effort to say particular things about being a celibate pedophile and contrast it with the life of a molester, I ended up painted a dark picture.

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  7. Sounds like I have a lot to look forward to, maybe someday I'll decide if being good with children is a good thing or a danger.

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